Reflection of being present.
This morning I was helping my 6 year old sort herself out for school, my husband and our 9 year old had already gone out to warm up the car. So our daughter says she wants to put her watch on but she still has no shoes on and her coat isn't even done up so she goes into this tantrum of but I never get to wear my watch. I snapped. I felt like she wasn't listening to me and that triggered the reaction. I have so many experiences of not being listened to, which lead to beliefs of I have nothing important to say. I'm a nobody, don't know anything about anything. This was a dialogue in my head for many years. This was a trigger that would come out often many years ago but now I find this particular trigger is around my children, as an adult if another adult is not interested in what I am saying I learnt to switch off. I learnt that it could be what I'm saying they are not interested in but it's more likely to be that they are in their own head distracted by what's going on in there own lives. With my children though there are times when I feel the need to push them to get them to do what I want, forgetting all about how they are feeling in the process. I don't feel guilty for my reactions because they are part of what I have learnt and who I became through my environments, education, relationships and experiences. Do I wish to continue with triggers dictating how I react to situations Hell No. Before the frustration would eat away at me even after it had all finished, that anger of feeling like what I am saying is not important when to me it's the only thing that's important at that moment. The problem was switching it off after that moment. The insecurities of not being good enough, worthy enough pop their head in and would become like a nightmare replaying over in my head and feeling crappy about myself for not being good enough. So today as soon as I snapped and I recognised I was angry I calmed down straight away. Understanding she is upset but we still have things to do so as we continued to get ready with me letting go of the anger, helping her to do up her coat which I don't usually do but in the essence of wanting her to feel the shift in energy and connecting love and that I'm there for her I did. We had a hug, I tell her to have a wonderful day giving her hugs and kisses and off she goes. Usually it would take me a while to calm my energy down to one of understanding the situation, being able to let go of My emotions, only focusing on My emotions. When we recognise how we are behaving, being present in how we feel and understanding where the feelings are coming from we are able to make changes to our behaviour, emotions, body and thoughts so reactions become less and less because the triggers no longer have such power over you. The triggers are coming from subconscious learning so if we keep practising being present we are less likely to react. As soon as I let go of my anger I felt way more power within myself than I have ever felt by being angry. Being present is not easy because we have not been taught to be present, many times we have so many things going on in our heads that we don't even know what we are doing most of the time. Our days can be filled living in subconscious because everything we do is what we have always done, nothing new, no new thoughts, ideas, lessons just all that has been. This is when the triggers dictate our lives because we are not working from conscious thinking. Take time in your day to remind yourself to be present, pay attention to that person talking to you instead of your mind wondering somewhere else. Look up when you're walking and look around, see everything around you like it's the first time you are seeing it. Smell, hear, taste and be present in the moment so you spend less time in your head and more time actually living your life in physical over in your head. The more you do this the more you will find life feels easier, happier, so much more beautiful and loving. Triggers come from all we know so let's connect to the triggers to overcome them instead of avoiding them.