Updated: Sep 20, 2022
5 years ago I had no self belief, no commitment to myself, no love for myself and struggled to believe in anything I did because number 1, I was a perfectionist and believed nothing I ever did was good enough and number 2, I only ever told myself that I wouldn't be successful and so the cycle of no self esteem continued.
5 years ago I had been doing energy readings for a year already and that was something that I was getting really good feedback from, it didn't matter what tool I used to read, I was giving accurate readings. This led to a lot of confidence in how I felt about the readings, how I was interpreting the messages coming through me and how I connected to the universe and grew to trust in it, in myself being part of it and the understanding that there is no separation.
5 years ago I also decided to commit to myself to lose the weight I had gained while pregnant. I had been 64kg before getting pregnant and at the end of my first pregnancy in 2011 I was 105kg . This reeked havoc on how I felt about myself and how desirable I felt. 2 Pregnancies later I was struggling to lose any of the weight and couldn't look at myself without feeling defeated. All the ego's chatter of but you're a fatty now just accept it, you can't do anything, you're a whale, you're not good enough, strong enough or worthy enough of doing anything for yourself.
After coming to an understanding of who I am and exactly what I needed, working out everyday and making the conscious choice to commit to myself, I reached my target weight of 64kg at the beginning of August 2022 having lost a whooping 41kg.
I can't say my life sucked because of my weight but the weight did create a lot of resistance within me of what I felt able to do.
105kg Back to 64kg
Overcoming ourselves, our limiting beliefs and moving into a world of being committed to yourself, loving yourself, giving towards yourself, letting go of guilt and the crazy expectations we put on ourselves has not be easy by any means but knowing where I have come from not just in the last 5 years but having suffered from depression since the age of 11 and learning how to overcome myself, my own negative views of myself and knowing who I am has enable me, empowered me and keeps me moving towards a brighter future because I now know fully that I am deserving of all that I dream of, I now know I am good enough to accomplish all that I have desired in life and I now know that it was only ever me getting in my own way.
Blame is no longer put on others for not supporting me or encouraging me as I can give everything I need to myself. I had waited and waited for it to come outside of myself and it never did. Now I am living in a world where there is only encouragement sent out to me through me and for me every minute of every day. Again it hasn't been easy but neither is living a life where you only feel like you are existing and everything about life feels like it isn't working for you. I see that, that's the hardest life to live and fought to move beyond all of my negative chatter, my inner bully, to discover the amazing person that I truly am and was born to be.
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